You told me that you loved me
It seemed easy for you to say
But you failed to prove it
The first time temptation
Came your way

You told me we would last forever
And I believed your words were true
But the words that you had spoken
Seemed to have been forgotten by you.

When you came into my life,
you breathed a new passion into my soul.
You gave me a reason to face
and conquer each day with purpose, confidence.
You excited my heart and my need to love-
and I did love … you.
My world grew bright with all that was you
and my everything became you.
But with no warning or backward glance
you blackened my existence with your retreat-

Into another’s arms.

I felt I couldn’t breathe without you.
You left me with no defense. No understanding.
Left to stumble and learn to live my life
alone, without your passion and “love. “
Time crawled when helping me to mend
my shattered soul.
Every step I made toward recovery filled
me with hate and distrust.

Bitterness.

Gone was the hope and faith. Replaced
hollowly by fear and rage.
In the wake of my recovery I left many
broken hearts. As you left mine.
After many horrid mistakes I slowly came to
realize what I should have known before.
The passion we shared, the love we had-
wasn’t because of you.

It was because of me.

When with you, I wasn’t myself.
And I fell.
With my new realization I began a true
recovery- discovery of the beauty within me.
Much time later I can smile at our good times
and leave the pain felt behind me.
I have blossomed into myself. I’m surrounded
by those that truly love me.
Now that you see my newfound independence
and security, you want me again.
Suddenly you see that all you’ve ever hoped
and wished for is within me.
But with the pain you caused, you taught
me something else.

Self-worth.

I love myself.
And you don’t deserve me.
Goodbye.

You’ll never know
How much I loved you,
How much I cared.

You’ll never know
About my pain,
About my broken heart.

You’ll never know
How much I cried,
Just lying on my bed
And thinking of you …
kissing her.

It’s becoming more evident
Much more obvious to me
I thought much more of you
Than you ever thought of me

Was this my biggest mistake
Letting myself think you cared
Was I just your marionette
With heartstrings open and bared

With me left here still thinking
What was false, what was true
So puzzling and so complex
I’m left to await another clue

On my heartstings you played
Each left with a loving memory
Yet I still have those questions
Do you ever think about me

I’m wondering why all the intrigue
Now why all of this mystery
Why am I left here hanging
Your the one that holds the key.

spindrift:

it isn’t fair to have to sleep alone
attachment sets a dangerous tone
of the american way
addiction to company
and the inherent loneliness
that swallows us whole

three years solo
should do you good
broke my back to have ‘love’ back
desolate time was withstood

but now that it’s over
no need to…

spindrift:

i am like
a honey suckle

sticky
to a soul
like mine

one that reaches
allows
draws me in
and i’ll dwell
so beware

no one forgets me easily
and i’m the one who sits
burdened and alone
wishing i didn’t give in so quick
so treat me as you would a flower

i might be eager,
i might be curious,
but my kindness is not weakness

you see
i keep you around
it’s up to me 

I want to be loved. I don’t want to be left again. don’t drag it on if you know u can’t stay. I did not date you for a summer fling. I knew I shouldn’t of let myself get close… Plus I wasn’t ready. I still have my thoughts about things. I wasn’t ready. But I love you and I don’t regret anything. Things happen for a reason so let it be. Maybe I’m suppose to get my heart broken again to keep learning.Maybe I’ll be immune to it. I’ll love you no matter what.

Sooner or later I’m gonna blow my brains out unless my heart beats me to blowin out it’s own self

What is fair? When you can’t compromise? Everyone agrees with means what I say.but then again I am not trying to push things. We all have different opinions but which ones are feasible? I feel like I reached a point where I feel like I’m starting to fade away. I feel like I should plunge back into the sea for my respect but my heart and gut like to play teeter totter with me.

Temptation was there.but was there for a reason. I resisted cause I know where my heart is.nothing can ever be easy. I can never just have a normal relationship…always something…smh..it hurts..thought it wouldn’t…well I never thought id be in so much love..so I thought it wouldnt bother me…I was wrong..and I don’t know if I want to feel this way again..but either way I will feel the same..I just don’t know how I feel about this..either results isn’t fair for neither.